[olug] UNIX GURU SLIPS

[Matthew G. Marsh]

;-}

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  % \(-
  (-: Command not found.

  % make fire
  Make:  Don't know how to make fire.  Stop.

  % why not?
  No match.

  % gotta light?
  No match.

  % !1984
  1984: Event not found.                  # (on some systems)

  % How's my lovemaking?
  Unmatched '.

  % `How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
  Unmatched `.

  % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
  Missing ].

  % [Where is my brain?
  Missing ].

  % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
  Modifier failed.

  % ^How did the sex change operation go?
  Bad substitute.

  % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
  Too many ('s.

  % man: why did you get a divorce?
  man:: Too many arguments.

  % %blow
  %blow: No such job.

  % \(-
  (-: Command not found.

  % sh
  $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
  no sense in pretending!

  $ mkdir matter; cat >matter
  matter: cannot create

  % cd /tmp
  % touch this; chmod 000 this
  % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
  % U this
  U: cannot touch this: no write permission

  % rm meese-ethics
  rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

  % cd ~god
  Unknown user: god.

  % ar m God
  ar: God does not exist

  % make love
  Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

  % sleep with me
  bad character

  % ^What is saccharine?
  Bad substitute.

  % drink  yellow_pages
  yellow_pages: Is a directory

  %touch me
  %chmod 000 me
  %touch me
  touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

  % ar x "my love life"
  ar: my love life does not exist

  % ar x "matey, the treasure"
  ar: matey, the tresure does not exist

  % talk Gorvachev at Kremlin
  talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

  % talk Comrade Khruchev
  [Your party is not logged on]

  make "bottle open"
  make "heads or tails of all this"
  make love
  make mistake
  make sense
  man woman
  man -kisses dog

  % echo
'[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
   GET A LIFE!

  % ping <a href="telnet://elvis.rice.edu">elvis.rice.edu</a> | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'
  elvis is alive

  % finger body-of-christ at bread-jar.mass
  Unknown host

  % finger huge-keg-party at big-house
  Unknown host

  % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
  make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '

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Matthew G. Marsh,  President
Paktronix Systems LLC
1506 North 59th Street
Omaha  NE  68104
Phone: (402) 553-2288
Email: mgm at paktronix.com
WWW:  http://www.paktronix.com
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