[olug] (OT) Any good April Fools jokes planned?

[Will Langford]

I'm friend of a friend of the original BOFH writer.  Always a good read :)

-Will


On Wed, Mar 31, 2010 at 2:50 PM, Roger Hubbard <hubbardroger at msn.com> wrote:

>
>
>
> When UseNet was the rage,
> the BOFH doc was posted every month..
>
> Here is a couple of excerpts from one of the postings.
>
> ###########
> Still Birthing the Bastard Operator from Hell.. (Bored #3)
>
>
> I'm bored.
> So I fill in a couple of hours by killing users off and deleting their
> files, then waiting for them to call...
>
> "Um, I can't find my files" the wimpering simp on the phone says
>
> "Files? What files?"
>
> "The files in my account. My thesis, my research - all gone!"
>
> "Gone ay? What's your username?"
>
> I make vague clicking noises my dragging the quicklimed man's fingers back
> and forth across the keypad.
>
> "Uh-huh" *drag drag* "Yeah.." *dragedy poke* "AH! - You haven't got any
> files"
>
> "I KNOW!"
>
> "Well, what are you calling ME for?
> We don't make the files you know, we just look after them.
> And chopitty-chop too, your thesis looks like it's due in a couple of
> days.."
>
> I hang up - he'll call back.
> Meantime I open up a copy of "VMS BASTARD OPERATORS MANUAL FROM HELL"
> I'm reading the article I sent in about getting rid of those trouble
> users...
>
> "... Modify the user's password minimum from 6 to 32 letters, give the
> password a 1 day lifetime, set it so that they HAVE to use the password
> generate utility when they change their password (so their password will
> always be something that looks like vaguely pronouncable line-noise), add a
> secondary password with the same as the above, then redefine their CLI
> tables so that the only command that works is DELETE, and all other commands
> point to it."
>
> Beautiful. Shit I'm good.
>
> He calls back.
> "MY FILES ARE GONE!" he screams, panicking.
>
> "Did you have a backup?" I ask, as sweet as pie
>
> "But that's what you people are supposed to do!" he sobs
>
> "Yeah, well we did - but then we switched to those 8mm tapes, and they're
> the same size as the ones in my video camera, so I've been using them to
> tape the neighbour's sex romps..."
>
> I hear the revolver go off, but what the hell, it's 5pm, and not my
> problem...
>
>
> ###########
>
> Another user rings.
> "I need more space" he says
>
> "Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask
>
> "No, on my account, stupid."
>
> Stupid? Uh-Oh..
>
> "I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy
> Stewart in a Weekend Family Matinee Feature
> "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"
>
> I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a
> goner and he knows it.
>
> "Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"
>
> "Sure, hang on"
> I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice.
>
> "There, you've got *plenty* of space now!"
>
> "How much have I got?" he simps
>
> Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*!
> Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it,
> then correct me if I
> don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and
> that's it*!
>
> Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.
>
> "Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"
>
> "Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining
> power
>
> "No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with
> steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.."
>
> "Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"
>
> I say nothing. It'll come to him.
>
> "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhH!"
>
> I kill me; I really do!
> ######################
>
>
>
> On Mar 30, 2010, at 12:10 PM, Kevin D. Snodgrass wrote:
>
> > Any body going to upside-down-ternet their (l)users Thurs?
> >
> > Any other good tricks to play on (l)users?
> >
> >
> > Kevin D. Snodgrass
> >
> >
> >
> >
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>
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